About a month ago, I chatted with another mom for a few moments. We exchanged the normal small talk, and we both acknowledged that we were tired. (This was during during the time that my daughter was having extreme anxiety at night, and we weren’t getting much sleep around here.) She asked me how many kids I have, and I said, “one.” She replied something to the effect of, “Oh, you’ve got no excuse”, as she gathered up her 5 children.
I walked away from that conversation a bit perplexed. I am sure she did not mean anything negative by it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow, because I have only one child, that I have it “easy”.
After that, I put it out onto my facebook page, just to see if other moms of one had experienced something similar to me. While many didn’t necessarily feel “less than” in any way, there was one thing that stuck out to me: GUILT. Guilt over whether we spend enough time with them, guilt over not giving them a sibling, guilt over having to work full-time, guilt over not playing with them enough. Why do we do this to ourselves, mommas?!?
Let’s just agree to let go of the “mommy guilt”, okay gals?
There’s a weird sort of competition, it seems, between moms. Yet when it comes down to it, all of us have our fair share of unique challenges and frustrations, and it’s hard – no matter how many kids you have. There are challenges that moms of several children face that I don’t understand, and there are situations that moms of one face that moms of multiples don’t deal with. Yet, we all have this incredibly important role of being mom.
So here’s the thing: Moms of one are not less than, or better than. It doesn’t mean you are not a “real” mom just because you don’t have 2 or more kids. You have value as a person – with or without kids, with or without a husband – and you have value as a mom whether you have 1 or 10! There are different challenges and struggles that we all face as moms, and just because we don’t have as many kids as someone else does not make our struggles any less credible.
This whole thing of motherhood is such a deeply personal and sensitive issue. The question of whether to have kids at all, or once you have one, whether to have more, the challenge of infertility – all of this can cause turmoil and pain. Why are we making it harder on each other by comparing one situation to another?This whole thing of motherhood is such a deeply personal and sensitive issue. Click To Tweet
I am so blessed to know SO many amazing women – some are single, some are married without kids, some have 10 kids – and they are ALL amazing in their own ways. Let’s never buy into the lie that just because we don’t have _______, that we are somehow not good enough or valuable enough, or that we don’t have it as hard, or that we have it harder than someone else. All of us have issues! Let’s be there to encourage each other and love each other and not be competing against one another, okay?
You can do this thing. Whether you are a mom of one, like me, or a mom of many. Whether you are a single woman longing to be married, a married woman longing for a child, or a woman unsure whether she even wants kids – you are valuable, you are loved, and you can do this.