Every year it happens. We get through most of the summer, and I feel frustrated. As I reflect over the year, I see a pattern: We’ve done lots of things, and we’ve been busy, and we’ve had fun, but none of it was intentional.
Church obligations come up, family parties take place, and trips happen, but was it really what we wanted to do as a family?
Did it line up with our goals? Did we actually have any time specifically for our marriage? Or our family?
Inevitably over the past 14 years of marriage, the majority of which has been in ministry, one of the main areas of conflict had has been over our schedules… how we spend our time… lack of communication about what’s going on and how we are going to get those things done.
It’s frustrating when you work hard, plan an event for your family, and discuss it with your husband, only to have it fall through because an urgent issue arises at the church.
Or a kid’s activity for school pops up.
Or your cousin’s best friend’s uncle is having a birthday party that you’re invited to attend.
Maybe that’s never happened to you (okay, the last one I made up), but if you’ve ever had conflict in your marriage over schedules and how you spend your time as a couple or family, then this post is for you.
After many years of feeling discouraged about how time would just fly by, without any intention on how we were spending our days, it finally occurred to me:
The reason we are having so much conflict and issues around communication was because we were not on the same page!
Heck, often we weren’t even in the same chapter. Frequently it seemed we were operating from 2 totally different books!
Sometimes I had very specific expectations about what would be happening, but I did not always communicate those to my husband. At the same time, he might make plans for something without letting me know until the day before.
This led to plenty of arguments, confusion, and frustration.
And that’s no way to live.
Once my husband and I got on the same page, it was much easier to make decisions about how we were going to spend our time.
We were able to have realistic expectations of each other, and we were much more in sync when it came to our family schedule and everyday life.
So what does getting on the same page as your spouse look like?
So what do you need to do to get on the same page and have less conflict in your marriage?
- You must be intentional.
It won’t just happen. You won’t just magically begin to understand each other and agree with each other about everything going on in your lives.
You must make a decision to get clear about what you want your lives to look like.
- You need to be willing to understand where your spouse is coming from.
When attempting to get on the same page about schedules, or about any issue where you may potentially have conflict, you have to be able to step back and hear your spouse’s perspective.
[bctt tweet= “In order to get on the same page as your husband, you must be intentional.”]
If you don’t acknowledge and respect your husband’s point of view, you will struggle to get on the same page.
- You should use an effective strategy or method.
It’s hard to get on the same page if you don’t know where to start, what to talk about, or how to go about it.
You could just sit down and say, “let’s get on the same page,” but it’s very possible that this could lead to more conflict.
My husband and I have been there, and it’s frustrating. Thankfully, we were able to develop a way to go about getting on the same page that has helped us immensely.
I want to share that method with you in my workshop, How to Get – and Stay – on the Same Page as Your Husband!
Click the photo below to find out about the workshop:
I can so relate to what you’re saying here. If we argue or become frustrated with each other it’s usually over family schedules, no time for each other, or heavy work schedules. If we ever want to spend time together, we HAVE TO be intentional. Thanks for sharing Esther.