If you want to have a marriage that lasts over 50 years, then this series of posts – 13 Questions to Ask for a Marriage that Lasts – is for you.
Most of us do not go into marriage saying, “Well, I hope this lasts only 3 years”. Yet, once we are married, many of us struggle with how to make it work. And if you are not married, but want to be someday, this is for you, too!
This past weekend would have been my grandparents’ wedding anniversary. They were married over 50 years before my grandfather passed away. My grandmother recently posted a list of 13 questions to ask yourself in regards to your marriage. In honor of their marriage, which was a great example to me, I’m going to share these questions over the next few weeks. I’m also going to add a few thoughts & a marriage tip at the end of each post!
13 POWERFUL QUESTIONS TO ASK FOR A MARRIAGE THAT LASTS: PART 1
- Do I ever apologize to my spouse for hurting him/her with my words or actions?
In marriage, it’s inevitable that we will at one time or another end up hurting our spouse. The real question is whether we are willing to admit it when we do, and apologize for doing so.
Earlier in our marriage, I would sometimes make comments about Scott which I thought were harmless. I learned the hard way that these comments were at times very hurtful to my husband. When he finally brought it to my attention, I was surprised, and I felt awful. I apologized, and I determined to be more aware of how my words may affect him. We must watch what we say, especially in public. And we must be willing to apologize when we hurt them, even if we don’t completely understand why.
[bctt tweet=”We must be willing to apologize to our spouse when we hurt them, even if we don’t understand why.”]
- Do I blame my spouse when things aren’t as I expect them to be?
Well, I have to admit that is not my favorite question. The truth is, I have certainly fallen prey to this line of thinking. I tend to have high expectations, and when things are not as I would like, I can end up blaming Scott. This is not healthy nor beneficial for me or my marriage. Instead, I need to re-evaluate my expectations, and instead of blaming, have an open conversation about the situation.
- Am I willing to say I’m wrong when I am? Or when I don’t think so, acknowledge that I could be?
This is another big one – recognizing when we are wrong. Sometimes, I am more focused on being right about something than actually listening to my husband’s point of view. But this question encourages me to reconsider – is there a chance I might be wrong? Many times, the disagreement is simply 2 different perspectives looking at the same issue.
Marriage Tip: Stay on the same side of the net!
We learned this simple concept at a marriage retreat from another wiser, older couple several years ago. They taught us that we need to view marriage as a tennis match, and instead of playing singles (against each other), we should be playing doubles (on the same team).
We need to stay on the same side of the net, and treat the issue as the problem, rather than treating each other that way.
Did one of these questions hit home for you today? If so, please comment below, and let me know what you are going to do differently. And as always, sharing is caring – share or pin this post if you think it could help someone else!
Here’s the next posts in this series: Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Want to create a marriage that lasts PLUS get the free printable of the 13 Questions?
Thank you so much for this series, Esther! I am not married yet, but when my boyfriend and I eventually take that step, I want to be prepared.
You’re welcome! So glad this is helpful to you Emily. I’m a big believer in being prepared as you go into marriage.
I definitely blame my husband when things aren’t going right. I don’t know how to fix that, but I will try to figure it out.
to the tennis question my husband likes us to play against the brick wall (truth) it made me laugh thankyou