You want to have a marriage that lasts, right?
Sometimes this seems really challenging, so I’ve been sharing 13 powerful questions that my grandmother posted on Facebook. If you missed Part 1 (Questions 1-3) & Part 2 (Questions 4-7) be sure to check those out first!
These 13 questions can help you to evaluate how you are treating your spouse and where you may need to make adjustments.
Often in marriage, we want the other person to change. But it’s amazing what happens when we decide to focus on our own reactions and behavior. Today we’ll look at the next 3 questions and look at our priorities for marriage.
13 POWERFUL QUESTIONS FOR A MARRIAGE THAT LASTS: PART 3
- Is my “pursuit of happiness” becoming obsessive to the exclusion of more important things?
Sometimes in marriage, we each have our own passions and hobbies. There is nothing wrong with that. However, if we put those things above the relationship, then it can become a problem. If you find that you are often choosing to do things with other people, or do some particular activity on your own without your spouse, you may be putting your own happiness above your marriage.
- Do I try to justify my wrong or disgusting words or actions?
I don’t really enjoy thinking that my words or actions could be disgusting, but if I am honest, there are definitely times that this is the case. I have certainly done and said things to my husband that are not pretty. And I have definitely had times when I have tried to convince myself that I was justified – that saying those harsh words was okay, because of what he did to me. But the truth is, I must choose to act lovingly even if I don’t feel it.I must choose to act lovingly towards my spouse even if I don't feel it. Click To Tweet
And when I do mess up – because we all do – I need to be willing to admit it and not try to justify my actions.
- Do I have a teachable spirit?
Once again, my grandmother forces me to think about about things that are a bit challenging. In my marriage, am I teachable, or do I react more like this?
I have to admit, I generally have not been the most teachable spouse. I am rather strong-willed, and I don’t really like being criticized or critiqued. But in my relationship with Scott, I really need to be open to hearing feedback.
Recently, Scott and I had a situation in which he felt I was being a bit harsh with another person. We discussed this later, and at first I was really defensive. But after having time to process and think about his perspective, I was able to accept the feedback. I also shared with him how it would be most helpful for him to share that type of information in the future. We both agreed that discussing the issue in private is the best option.
You and your spouse will want to have a discussion about this when you are both calm. You could determine ahead of time how you plan to handle it when one of you has some constructive criticism to offer the other one. And of course, it should always be done with love.
If you find that you are putting your own pursuit of happiness above your marriage relationship, trying to justify your wrongs, or being resistant to feedback, I’d like to offer this tip.
Marriage Tip: Re-evaluate your priorities.
Every once in a while, I find it helpful for Scott and I to discuss our priorities and where we are at with our marriage. I would recommend doing this on your own as well as with your spouse.
Consider where your priorities may be off, and decide what changes or adjustments need to be made. It is much easier to do this once every few months or at least once a year, and make small adjustments, rather than to wait until you are going in the complete wrong direction, and attempting to turn the ship around.
My challenge for this week is: take 10 or 15 minutes to write down your priorities for your marriage – and if you really want to be proactive, schedule time with your spouse to discuss this!
Comment below if you’ll take the challenge and pin this post so you can come back to it later. Thanks for reading, friend, and as always, please feel free to contact me with questions!